He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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