puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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