I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
