I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
