I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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