I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
