Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
