So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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