so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
