I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
