actually, I'm a sock model
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
