What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
