If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
