Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
