every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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