I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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