you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
