so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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