Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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