like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
