You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
