In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
