I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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