Heybabeimwearingurpanties
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
