I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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