I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
