Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
MIDGETS
????
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
