She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
