Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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