It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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