Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
