I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
