i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
