let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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