whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
