I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
