He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
