when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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