Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize