I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
