i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
