i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
