Screwed.edu
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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