Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
