those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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