Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
