Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
