Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When are your genitals available?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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