I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
