I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
