and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
