Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
