Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
