You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
