I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sarcasm needs its own font
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
