Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
