Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
