If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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