I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we're so committed to being not committed
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