My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
