I got chris browned last night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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