Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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