I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
