yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize