and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
