i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
