we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
