dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
