I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
