you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
two words: eviction party
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize