Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
